Let's Get It Together Love
I think that the saying "fake it till you make it" is getting outdated and is simply cliche at this point. How about we get it together and try to keep it that way?
Yes, I know what you're thinking; "it's easier said than done" (another saying that has to go), but have you tried it though?
Have you tried getting a grip on your life and set your mind on keeping that grip?
We have all been there. That "phase" where we are in-between something and what feels like nothing. That "phase" where everything that could go wrong is going wrong (kinda like 2020).
But the key word here is "phase"
Phase: (noun) 1. a distinct period or stage in a series of events or a process of change or development.
and that is all that it is. A time to grow and move pass something.
I was stuck in a phase for years until I decided to stop faking it and to start putting in the work. Today, I am at a much better place and would like to share with you 12 things that I did to help me get a grip on my life.
Disclaimer; we are all unique,therefore what works for Jane may not work for Kaydee in the same manner or within the same time frame, but that doesn't mean that Kaydee can't rearrange the rules to make it work for her. Be like Kaydee; challenge the rules to make it work. 😉
That's it - Innnnnnnnnn and Ouuuuuuttt.
Again Innnnnnnnnn and Ouuuuuuttt.
Many of us only realise that we may have been holding our breath (not literally) for the longest while, when we're prompted to take a deep breath or to breathe. We feel more at ease and "free" for lack of a better term. We may encounter situations that will indirectly leave us on edge for days or weeks and it may go unnoticed until we are prompted to simply BREATHE.
Since this is your journey, you have to become the prompter. Practice breathing exercises like the one below:
Inhale and exhale slowly while focusing on one part of your body on every breath. Start from your toes and make your way up to your scalp. This promotes self-awareness and you many involuntarily move that body part as you breath. This exercise is more effective when laying down on your back with your eyes closed.
You can also use various meditation apps to assist with becoming more conscious of your breathing patterns and what triggers the involuntary "suffocation". Calm and Simple Habit are two of the apps that I use personally along with the breathe reminder on my Apple Watch.
2. BOOST OTHERS
You will learn sooner or later that it can't always be about you, simply because there is no real joy in that (unless you're a narcissist...which I doubt). There is so much more fulfilment in making someone's day and it is always the littlest things that create the biggest impact.
Thanking the bus driver for diving carefully. Said driver could have been feeling unappreciated lately and you made his day.
Wishing your neighbour's son a great day at school. He may have been down because his parents left early for work and he didn't hear it from his older brother and you just made him smile. now watch him walk away with that extra bounce.. you did that 😉
Complementing Jane on her new hairstyle... and actually mean it. Jane is trying to impress the new Fedex driver and you just gave her a boost of confidence.
Congratulating Sean on his new baby and reassuring him that he is going to be a great father. Sean could have been having a rough time settling into his new role and you just helped him snap out of an impending depression phase.
I could go on and on but you get what I am saying. Every time you boost someone else, be content with their smile. With that said I must emphasise on the one rule here:
DON'T GIVE COMPLIMENTS WITH THE EXPECTATION OF RECEIVING ONE IN RETURN, IF YOU DO THEN FINE, BUT SPEAK GENUINELY AND FROM THE HEART. IF NOT - STAY QUIET.
Let's admit it; we hoard, we are hoarders. Emotions, text messages, make up and even gadgets just to name a few. Many times we don't realise that we are doing it because these thing have become part of our lives. The things that we hoard have sentimental value to us but they, in many cases are of real no use. When was the last time you used that DVD player on the TV stand? Exactly!
Here's how I've been able to declutter my home; I got one box for every room in the house and label it, then I went from room to room, collecting all items that I had not used for the past 3 months. I sealed the boxes and stored them away for a month. At the end of that month, I had not returned to any of the boxes because I simply didn't not have use for any of the items. This meant that I could have tossed, donated and sold these items. Try it out. Remember if you don't go back to the box, your life is complete without the item.
I will write another blog on decluttering your life where I will touch on the emotional and digital aspects.
Do you know how much space a grudge take up in your life?
Do you know how much power the person who hurt/betrayed you has over you?
Forgiving is never easy because you feel like you are disappointing yourself but the moment you say the words "I forgive you" and you actually mean it, you're liberated. Give it a try and feel that weight lift off your shoulder!
5. DRINK YOUR WATER AND EAT YOUR VEGIES
Easier said than done and I am not judging you because on days like today, I forgot to drink water. I have turned to an app for 8 daily reminders and guess what, I still ignore the annoying notification. But don't be like me. Get your 8 glasses or more in daily and at least try to eat healthy. I am not saying to clear our the snack bin, but just try to eat less sugars and more greens.
6. HAVE A SIGNATURE
My boyfriend will walk into a room and know that I'm in there all because of my signature scent - vanilla and coconut fusion. I have been wearing this mix for years now and it has become part of my style. Shop My Scents Here
Having a signature scent, piece of jewellery, hairstyle or make up look can give you some sense of fulfilment. Who doesn't like feeling complete, not for any one else but for yourself.
7. TAKE NAPS
Remember those naps you would take on a Sunday afternoon, after the jingles from the ice cream trucks had faded away and all you could hear were the sounds of the roosters and a Lucky Dube Concert blaring from the boom box of a distant neighbour? TAKE EVERYTHING AWAY AND GIVE ME THOES NAPS BACK. Sigh... childhood.
But there is no rule against the adult version of a Sunday nap is there?
Butt naked after a longggg shower, freshly shaved, clean sheets, fan on low, phone on silent, Jhené Aiko in the background... I hit the spot didn't I?
Go ahead you deserve it, you work hard.. or hardly work but who's checkin. Take a nap.
Restore your balance and fix that dysfunctional sleep pattern of yours. 😒
8. DINE ALONE
It always cracks me up when I go to a restaurant alone and the staff find it "weird' so they make it even more awkward by staring and trying to pry. So I always have to give the whole disclaimer; "Yes, I'm dining alone. Yes I'm OK. No there's nothing extra that you can do to make my night better. 🙄"
My point is it's ok to dine alone. Bring a book, people watch, enjoy the silence, enjoy the food.
9. PAMPER YOURSELF
Your nails don’t need to be fancy and gelled up, but keep them maintained. A massage every 3 months, or a pedicure every 2 months will do. Visiting the dentist will also fall under here. Hotels normally have dollar to dollar prices for locals so you can get a 60 min massage fore EC 115 at times. you deal with a lot so give your body a break once in a while.
10. STAY WORDLY
This one may be difficult for a lot of persons but, once in a while, read a newspaper or a book. in Saint Lucia we don't have many art museums (if any) but if you trave, take a moment and visit a museum. Learn something about your history, It won't hurt to stay in the know with the world's developments. Which that said, don't get too consumed with main stream media. I use an app called Flipboard which gives me curated news based on what I am interested in.
11. PLANT SOMETHING
My house is filled with greenery right now and my future home must have a sunroom with a reading nook... YES, I love plants. This all started with my first aloe plant at my first apartment. The poor plant struggled with neglect, over watering , too much sun and everything that was bad for it until my mom visited and she said "the way you treat your plant might reflect the way you treat your friends and relationships". Honestly that hurt a little because there is some truth to it.
When you plant something, you obviously want it to flourish, and when it does flourish, it will bring you happiness.
I recently watched my guy plant a few fruit bearing seeds, and it was heart melting to just watch him care for the seeds on a daily basis. His excitement when the leaves sprouted through the soil, and in the next few weeks the first flower... that is what you aim for.
Planting and caring for a flower, crop or even a cannabis plant will bring you joy and will help improve so many things in your life. Just like you will remember to water that plant, you will remember to call your mother as you can associate the two.
12. BE MYSTERIOUS BUT BE REAL
And finally, leave people wondering. You don’t need to reveal much of or about yourself.
This is something that I struggled with a lot in the past and I still do on some days, however, the peace of mind associated with not being fully naked to the public is almost orgasmic.
This however does not mean putting up a facade, Don’t lie about yourself. Embrace who you are at your core, but still leave people questioning. you may catch your kicks from it, but believe me, you will enjoy it.
I can only hope that you can take something from this blog. As I said before, this is what worked for me and may require tweaking for you, but if you feel like you're loosing your grip on your life. Try one or two of these tips and let me know if they helped in the comments below.
And remember.... "Self-care is not an expense, it's and investment."